23.10.2019

There are a lot of great band names in the 58-page list of Chinese products targeted for US import tariffs

Trade wars are no good. But there is something positive to come out of this: hidden in the more obscure corners of the the 1,300 industrial products targeted by Trump are some of the best band names we’ve seen in a while. Who wouldn’t be intrigued by a black metal band called “Salts of Triethanolamine”? Or what about “Parts of Flange”, which we imagine is a sprawling, 10-member prog rock group, or maybe one of those silly jam bands where all the lyrics are about fictional animals.

The nascent trade war between the United States and China continues to escalate. A few days ago, China announced tariffs on 128 American products, covering close to $3 billion worth of US exports. Now, the Trump administration is preparing to retaliate, proposing import tariffs on 1,300 categories of Chinese products worth some $50 billion.

Here is a selection of killer band names in the list of proposed tariffs (pdf), including some ideas about what the groups would sound like.

Band name Description/Genre
Klystron Tubes Twee indie pop
Molding Patterns Political hip-hop
Physical Vapor Deposition Apparatus Postmodern techno
Somatotropin Progressive euro trance
Mechanical Seals Country
Torque Converters Psychedelic post-country
Chain Sprockets and Parts Thereof A cappella renditions of Kraftwerk songs
Torpedo Tubes Apocalyptic surf rock
Blood Fractions Mathcore, obviously
Salts of Triethanolamine Black metal, obviously
Parts of Flange Prog rock “collective” specializing in 30-minute “jams”
(The) Automatic Thermostats Gimmicky power-pop band where all five members play keyboard
Milking Machines 90s grunge
Dairy machinery other than milking machines Failed solo project by the rhythm guitarist from the above 90s grunge band
Teleferics Electro-pop MacBook trio
Droperidol Underground trap
Angledozer Blades Hardcore
Parts of Chain Saws Melodic hardcore
Parts of Fire Extinguishers Post-hardcore
Parts of Molten-Salt-Cooled Acrylic Acid Reactors Post-post hardcore
Parts of Machines for Packing Tobacco, Wrapping Candy, Cigarette Packages and of Combination Candy Cutting and Wrapping Machines Christian hardcore
Snowplows and Snowblowers The greater Milwaukee area’s premier Snow Patrol cover band
(The) Transceivers Ska punk revival
Ceramic Dielectric Fixed Capacitors Rap group known for its high number of rhymes-per-minute
Prisms, mounted Self-serious indie rock
Unrecorded Magnetic Media New wave—think Talking Heads but more acoustic
Dobbies and Jacquards Neo-honky tonk
Artificial Parts of the Body Minimal classical with an emphasis on repetition
Super-heated Water Boilers One-hit wonder famous for glam-rock anthem “Hott Watter”
Profile Projectors Instagrammable EDM
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