The tyranny of women’s pants, a hate poem

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It’s sale season, yet again.
Last year’s pants are OUT
Nothing worse
than
looking
for
thisyearslateststyle.

My choices:

Low-waisted, muffin-top-making
Zipper 3-inches-high
Pockets for what?
Two dimes?

Mom jeans are
In
No out.
Wait, in.

These skinny jeans are too skinny
The thighs in these are built for knees
Only tall girls can wear them
Though not the capris
Which fit short girls but not wide girls and now

OH NO
These jeans are ripped
OH NO
These jeans are not ripped

The crotch in these
sits too low
I walk like a geisha
my stride reduced to mincing.
This waistband
like a tourniquet.
These pants
literally bisect me.
What fresh pants hell is this?

Are boyfriend jeans actually manly pants?
Who wears the pants in my house?
Why are pants considered dominant when they are actually bottoms…?

Work pants:
Trousers
or Slacks?
Structured
or un?
Ankle-skimming
or flared?

Maybe I’ll try on some cords, khakis, cargos, chinos, crepe de chine or patterned, printed, price tag
WHAT?!!

These pants were made in Belgium,
these in Bangladesh
I covet the ones from Cambodia but cringe at those from China
Shall I spend on slacks from Spain and skip Sri Lanka?

How about wide legs,
super-wide, double-wide,
mid-rise, high-rise, low-rise,
oversized or slouchy

[(If Athleisure = leggings) & (track pants = athleisure) then (Sweat pants = what?)]

How about
high waisted trouser pants
high waisted wide leg trousers
high waisted wide leg dress pants
high waisted skinny dress pants
high waisted trousers skinny
high waisted tie pants

How about
clarity,
I’ve found them

The
best
ones
ever

P a j a m a pants

From here on out
I will now simply
Work
from
home
Forever.

worldwide exports of pantsqz.com

One Comment on “The tyranny of women’s pants, a hate poem”

  1. Hello
    I had visited your store last week, and I saw a very nice pants i wanne buy.
    But I have a question, today I wanted to order it, but can not find the pants anymore in your store.
    Sincerely

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