Why do not they get married?

In 2006, 22,390 marriages were registered in the Novosibirsk region.How many so-called “civil” marriages were created during the same period, when the couple does not formally formalize their relations, it’s impossible to say for sure. Probably, because such pairs of full-fledged cells of society are not considered. However, this aspect of young and not very young people does not bother, and they continue to conduct joint farming without registering with the registry office.

A civil marriage had a little confusion with names. What is customary in our country called “civil marriage”, lawyers refer to as “factual.” The actual marriage, according to the legal dictionary, is an actual marriage that is not registered in accordance with the procedure established by law. Actual marriage does not give rise to marital rights and obligations under family law. Civil marriage is considered an official marriage registered in state bodies of civil status records.

Only a generation or two ago cohabitation before the wedding was perceived as something shameful and indecent – sex before marriage from our conservative ancestors was not welcomed and was called appropriately – fornication. Today, the civil marriage has become widespread. Nevertheless, there are complications: attacks by family members, rejection by religious people and lack of a name to indicate your status – how to name the person with whom you live: friend, cohabitant, husband, boyfriend?

According to psychologists, civil marriage in some sense took the place of courtship and dating, which in the old days lasted long enough. At the same time, a woman feels “as if married,” and the man feels himself “as if free.” And yet, why do not they marry?

Compatibility check.As you know, a person completely opens up in critical situations. During two-hour romantic rendezvous such situations, as a rule, are not observed. But in their joint life they have more than enough: financial difficulties, distribution of duties, interaction with relatives, etc. If you have never been married, a civil marriage will give a complete picture of the marriage life – with all its pluses and minuses.

All marriages are successful. Difficulties begin when the common life begins. (Francoise Sagan) 

Love. Or, if you like, love. When you are in love, you want to be near the object of feelings all the time. What do you do with a break to work or study. What’s the point of enduring the inconvenience of traveling, when you can live together?

Lack of opportunity to get married. Civil marriage here – the link between dates and weddings. You have often discussed that you are getting married, but so far the situation for some reason does not have this. Let’s say your chosen one wants to make money on his own home, or you dream of a luxurious holiday for a hundred people, and there is still nothing to pay for this holiday. In this case, it remains only to wait.

The engagement ring is the first link in the chain. (Zharko Petan) 

Finance and autonomy. Against the backdrop of mutual sympathy and intimacy with the help of civil marriage, very pragmatic problems are being solved. High prices for housing, a modest budget and the desire of young people to become independent encourage them to unite and thus kill two birds with one stone.

To marry is to half reduce your rights and double your responsibilities. (Arthur Schopenhauer) 

Very serious attitude towards marriage. “I’m not ready, I’m not ripe,” says your chosen one. If a person believes that you need to get married once and for life, then he comes to the training process with all the care. Until you are 100% sure of not seeing the wedding ring. On the other hand, you can rely on such a responsible husband in the future. The main thing is that the process of maturation does not last for decades.

The fact that we see so few successful marriages, just testifies to the value and importance of marriage. (Michel Montaigne) 

Fear of divorce.This is typical for people who themselves experienced the collapse of family life, or witnessed the divorce of their parents or close friends. If your chosen partner has experienced a painful break in relations (this also applies to civil marriage), it is only logical that he is cautious and does not hurry to guide you to the crown – he is afraid of repeating his negative experience. Only patience and devotion will calm and inspire confidence in your future husband.

If you want to live without sorrow, do not marry. (Menander) 

Thirst for freedom. Many perceive marriage as a loss of freedom, their individuality and forced compromises. You have a great time with your friends (you have yours, they have theirs) and are happy to meet each other at home. No one talks about children, commitments and the wedding ceremony – you enjoy what you have now.

In order to avoid misunderstanding, experts recommend not counting on the partner’s ability to read thoughts from a distance, but openly discuss their plans for the future. What is your life together? Do you want to register a relationship? Do you plan to have children? After all, if you perceive living together as a vigorous step towards the building of a registry office, and after a bad experience, he does not plan to get married at all, conflicts can not be avoided.

Often, contrary to tradition, a woman makes a marriage proposal. At the same time, not so much a veil and a white dress, as well as a desire for stability and social status, play a role. According to a survey conducted by SHE, 49% of our readers believe that the stamp in the passport gives confidence in the partner, 17% of respondents believe that it is necessary to formalize the relationship when children appear in pairs, 31% perceive registration as a mere formality, and only 2% , that the seal in the passport kills love.

As for the influence of civil marriage on further relations, the opinions of specialists differ here. Some psychologists say that couples who lived in a civil marriage before the wedding are more often divorced than those who immediately went to the registry office. Others argue that this is a great way to test your feelings before marriage and before the birth of children – even if you decide to part, the gap will be less painful. And those who prefer to disperse – quite a lot. According to psychological research, in two years about 40% diverge, 50% of couples living together, get married, and the remaining 10% continue to live without a stamp in their passport.

Lera Nezabudkina, specially for SHE