Critical days: listen and express

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As you know, man is a contradictory creature. We cordially love representatives of the opposite sex, after a while we bitterly curse them, and in two hours we again love. We copy the year to the car, then happily we lower all on holiday, lying under palm trees, and fall into depression when we arrive home. However, there is nothing more contradictory than a person’s attitude toward criticism. We spread to the nines everything that seems to us unfaithful. But as soon as we criticize ourselves, we wonder how you can be such an incorrect and categorical person!

“Do not teach me to live!” – said the famous heroine of the “Twelve Chairs”. The woman-dream spoke extremely little, but, even using 30 words, she protested against criticism. Learning life has haunted us since childhood. We are criticized by parents, neighbors, friends, teachers, bosses, beloved or spouses, and again by parents, and again by friends … We remain silent, try to justify ourselves, brush aside or snap back. Depending on who and in what form makes comments. How to respond to criticism, fair and not so? How to benefit from stinging comments?

Relatives: “I wish you well!”
It is a direct duty of your grandmother to say that in such a skirt you are like a representative of the ancient profession. Mom considers it his duty to warn that no one will ever marry you with such a harmful character. From such statements, you, a calm and balanced person, can turn into an enraged bull. Misunderstanding between representatives of different generations is explained by different values. Do not try to convince your relatives – it’s pointless. It is quite politely enough to explain that you love them very much, but in this matter let everyone remain at their opinion.

Friends: “If not me, then who?”
Indeed, who, if not your girlfriend, can tell you how to behave with your lover and what kind of hair you get to face. It is because of close, trusting relationships that criticism from the lips of friends can be valuable information. Only if these people really are your friends. If a lonely girlfriend about each new your chosen one responds badly and actively calls to part with it, it’s not a bad choice. In case you are in doubt, remember if the same thing happened before and if you heard it from other people. A friend joyfully calms you in a difficult moment and is upset by your successes? Drive away such a friend.

Beloved: “This is just a joke!”

He – the closest and beloved person, the one with whom you wanted to live in grief, and in joy – inflicted mortal insult. Then when you waited the least for it, he tweaked you by the barrel and said: “Oh, have you recovered?” You do not talk for two days and three nights, and to his pathetic attempts to explain that it was a joke, reply to the tearful ones silence. Given the specifics of the relationship (they are certainly different from relationships with other close people), any unsuccessful joke is perceived as a personal insult, and, of course, the form of the presentation is important. But be lenient to jokes. If the criticism of your partner is different – he grumbles for any reason, constantly is not happy with everything or even insults you – it is worthwhile to think about the reasons and expediency of such relations.

Head: “You are always late!”
The boss meets you at the door to the office. Hands on chest, brow frown. “Come and see me,” he snaps. In the chief’s office you are silent, then try to explain that the alarm did not ring, and the bus broke down, and in general you are late for the first time in your life. But in vain. He is angry – naturally, at you. And disappointed – of course, you. He counted on you, and you acted so meanly. On the half-bent creep out of the office, sit on a chair and think. Has this ever happened to you before? Have you heard such comments from others? If a stopped alarm and a broken bus accompany you throughout your life – this is a bad sign. While it’s not too late, take care of yourself and immediately correct yourself. If this is really an accident, use the recommendation of the Spanish writer Ramon Gomez de la Serna. “Criticism,” he said, “can finish us off; we can not finish off criticism; so it’s best to forget about it. ”

“Even when I am paralyzed, I will criticize someone else’s gait,” said French writer Jules Renard. We often strive to remake people close to us in the image and likeness of their own, to eliminate their habits and weaknesses, and in exchange to napigovat those traits of character that we find deeply positive. If you feel the strength to educate others, it’s best to do it tactfully and correctly. What to say, and what is not? How to criticize, so as not to offend?

Five golden rules of the critic 

1. In the evening in the kitchen.You can not calmly look at your girlfriend’s new wardrobe? Are you sure that all this stuff is not categorically coming to her? Do not tell her about it with strangers, in any case, do not release caustic jokes, so she guessed. Invite her to visit and in a relaxed relaxed atmosphere, talk carefully about this topic.

2. Never poke and do not say “never”! “Have not you thrown away the garbage again?”, “You never come on time!”, “You forever ignore me!”. “Touches” makes a person feel like a criminal who is accused of something. Feel free to “yakayte”: “I would like to …”, “I would be very pleased …”, “I would like to ask …”. Show the person that everything is all right with him – you take full responsibility. And try to avoid these terrible words “never”, “always” and “forever.”

3. Panikovsky’s method.Do you remember old Panikovsky from Golden Calf? He was an extremely tactful man. “You know, Shura, how I respect you, but you are an ass,” he said. Panikovsky prepares the interlocutor for criticism, pointing at the beginning of the phrase for positive moments. This technique facilitates the perception of criticism. Start with a positive, then go to the negative and end up with something pleasant. The Panikovsky method is suitable for particularly vulnerable and sensitive people.

4. And maybe better to my mother? When discussing plans for the weekend, your beloved with a radiant look offers an absolutely ridiculous and inappropriate for you option. Your unrestrained laughter or critical remarks will clearly offend him. But if you in a soft form offer another ready-made solution, you will talk with your mother, not with football fans.

5. The Black Square. Do you think that the pictures of your big-age sister are just a child’s daub? Saying this to her, you will become the worst enemy of creative nature. If you are bursting, you can start by saying that you probably do not understand anything in art. You, of course, have an impeccable taste, but other views have a right to exist. By the way, have you seen Malevich’s Black Square for a long time?

Lera Nezabudkina, specially for SHE